The good, the bad and the lonely

The past week has been a whirlwind of meeting people. I move around so quickly and Indians are so friendly and almost desperate to interact with foreigners that somedays I converse with 20 different people. I haven't really felt alone at all. There always seems to be someone right next to me who would love to talk about the weather, history, me or sex of course. I've held off on posting this because I wasn't sure it was totally relevant to all of India, but too many occurances have happened for me to ignore this major part of my experience here.

First off, the looks and blatant stares, I was totally prepared for; It happens in China too. I get it. I look different and it's not rude to stare in other cultures. But in India, in addition to stares you get comments. In the past week, I've been propositioned by men yelling from passing trains or shop windows. I desperately want to sit them down and teach them some manners, but instead I flash a nasty look and try to let it roll off my back. I have since learned that Indian men are very up-to-date on American pornography and have seen all the latest hollywood hits, such as American Pie. These men have also never been to America, so apparently, this is what they believe American life to be like. But I didn't believe that they imagined every woman to be ready and willing to date, marry or have sex within an hour of introductions.

I recently stayed at a guest house that was really nice, and I was able to negotiate a really cheap rate. The manager, who is my age, was very friendly (although I did get a minor creep vibe) and helpful. The second night I ran into him in town and we went for chai together. We had a great discussion, as he is a local journalist, and I learned a lot about the community and local politics. But as we walked back to the guest house, he began with 'Heather, I meet many many people. And only some I feel so comfortable with.' I knew this was going to be an awkward moment of compliments, but I never expected him to blatantly ask me to go to bed with him. That night. OR the next night if that's what I preferred. I was beside myself. I turned him down without being polite and went to my room to reflect.

A few days later, in a different town, I met a young man who was also very helpful. He knew everyone and got me indian prices every where we went. He introduced me to other locals and I ate at places I never would have found on my own. But then it came time for me to leave. He got very angry and sulked. After declining his offer to come with me to my next destination, he continued sulking. The next day I was not able to go anywhere because I was terribly ill (probably from that wonderful food I never would have found without him), and he called all day estatic that I was still there. The next morning I left very early without saying goodbye. He still calls my Indian cell phone at least three times a day.

I have already had men ask me for sex in this new city and I've been here only 12 hours. I don't think there is a "sex tourist" sign on my forehead, and I certainly hope I don't look like the porn stars they've seen on TV. So, what is it?

I drafted this blog entry about a month and a half ago, and must say that the incidents never got any worse than what I mentioned, but I still think it's important that I share these negative experiences along with all of my magical ones.

I have never gotten used to the sexual comments I sometimes hear as I walk down the street, but I don't take it personally anymore, and do admit that they've become less frequent -whatever the reason. I also must specify that most of these incidents have been brought on by uneducated young men who are in constant contact with foreigners. They don't seem to know any better and can't (or won't)comprehend the possible detrimental effects their behavior could have to the tourism economy of this nation.

The middle class Indian men are appalled when I mention my experiences and attempt to make up for the faux pas of their fellow countrymen. So with their effort to 'make things right', I've had homes opened to me, been given a ride, meals and a place to stay on a 12-hour journey, been given official guided tours of palaces for free, been introduced to countless parents of 'ambassadors', been given gifts, consumed countless cups of complimentary chai and enjoyed hundreds of genuine, welcoming smiles.

So why do these young men behave this way? I still, even asking many many Indians, have no definite answer. Maybe they've seen porn, maybe they've actually had an experience or two with a foreigner and think we're all the same, maybe they think it's funny, maybe they don't have any sisters...